“Personally, I’m looking forward to thrashing Ryk Neethling in the 50 Metre Swim & Verse.”
Because my recent literary exploits have caused me to become flabby and withdrawn, I went for a run in the park this morning. As always, my mind raced on ahead, turning occasionally to egg me on, bouncing ideas back at me like little tennis balls. The only one I managed to catch might be of interest to Read SA as a fundraising and promotional campaign: an Annual Book Olympiad.
Many authors and other bookish folk enjoy running and swimming to keep the life support systems for their brains in shape. Most of them prefer to do these things solo, but dream of performing in front of a live audience. Okay, maybe not, but this might be a great way to bring the literary set and the sports set (and their ghost-writers) together to promote books and reading.
I’ve come up with four classic events, each with a unique literary dimension. Feel free to shoot and supplement as you see fit:
The 100 Metre Dash & Verse would see participants sprinting this classic distance and then writing a poem or piece of prose. Instead of a starting shot, they would be primed with a word or phrase they must incorporate into their writing, which they would have two minutes to complete. A panel of judges would rank the writing, which would be combined with the rankings for the race to establish the overall ranking.
The 50 Metre Swim & Verse would be the aquatic version of the above.
And then there’s the Chapter Marathon & Review, which would see runners and swimmers trying to cover as much distance as possible as a pre-recorded chapter is read out loud over the public address system. Participants would subsequently get five minutes to write a 100-word review of the chapter. A panel of judges would then rank the reviews to get an overall ranking.
Naturally, there are many other events imaginable – author vs reviewer boxing matches, for instance – but it would probably be best to start small. Perhaps the event could be held before or after one of the larger athletics/swimming events, which would save the hassle of having to arrange all the equipment and officials.
Personally, I’m looking forward to thrashing Ryk Neethling in the 50 Metre Swim & Verse, and I think I could have Joost in the 100-meter Dash & Verse, too.
Doping would be encouraged, of course.
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Six Fang Marks and a Tetanus Shot
November 29th, 2009 @13:01 #
Oh Richard, how we've missed you ... it's wonderful that you're now actually Paid To Be A Writer (almost grounds for emigrating to Holland, methinks), but I deplore the fact that without idle hands, you're making less mischief.
November 29th, 2009 @14:00 #
I'm all for more mischief, Helen, but most of it is taking place on scene rather than on screen. Lots of work to be done. London calling and I have many English miles to write.
November 30th, 2009 @13:17 #
What about the 200 metre Run and Pant, where contestants have to run the distance, write a poem, and then recite it to the audience over the P.A. system? Competitors to be judged on the run, the poem and the performance!
November 30th, 2009 @14:19 #
Excellent! But all competitors should come dressed as their favourite poet. Here are some ideas: http://is.gd/57IR5.
November 30th, 2009 @14:23 #
Just the thought of having to write anything in a hurry makes me break out in a cold sweat, so I'll be one of the judges.
November 30th, 2009 @14:29 #
Duly noted, your unhurried honour.
November 30th, 2009 @15:23 #
Technically, as critics and journalists, we'd be on the same "team" but I'd like to skewer James Mitchell with my foil for http://reviews.book.co.za/blog/2009/07/31/a-little-rant-from-mandy-j-watson-on-james-mitchells-review-of-elana-bregins-shivas-dance/">this.
I also think there should be some sort of event that combines speed eating with fridge poetry.
November 30th, 2009 @15:28 #
Sorry. I appear to have broken the Web.
The link is: http://reviews.book.co.za/blog/2009/07/31/a-little-rant-from-mandy-j-watson-on-james-mitchells-review-of-elana-bregins-shivas-dance/
November 30th, 2009 @16:51 #
Could we have some Poem Vaulting too? Contestants could be fitted with Love's light wings (or other suitable apparel). The loftier the sentiments the better, and experts in over-vaulting, over-verbing and verbosity in general could be awarded a Purple as opposed to a Gold Silver or Bronze?
Off for my walk now - ta ever so Richard, for giving me something to think about as I set off to conquer Fish Hoek Primary's playing field...
November 30th, 2009 @17:16 #
The Punctuation Police could be the referees.
November 30th, 2009 @20:43 #
It is traditional for Hecate to adjudicate such events. Plus I know more about umpiring than the rest of you. Ms Snyckers may hold the train of my toga. Besides, the only poet I could come as at the moment is Oscar Wilde -- my hair has gone all floppy.
You do all realise the Olympiads were originally held naked? *series of images flash past mental eye -- Ryk Neethling (ooh) -- Richard de Nooy (ooOoo-er) -- Mandy Watson chasing Mr Mitchell with a sharpened foil (tell me when it's safe to look) -- Poet's Pole Vault (don't goooooo there aargh)*
November 30th, 2009 @21:40 #
Helen, if I promise to hold your train up nicely, will you let me be a co-judge of the Men's Naked Egg, Spoon and Limerick dash? Contestants to include: Richard, Sven, Rustum, Niq, Louis, Ted Botha (ahem), Siphiwo, and Ben Trovato who can keep his hat on.
November 30th, 2009 @22:23 #
Right, naughty step, you two. No more posting after your third glass of wine. Careful with that foil, Mandy, you'll have someone's eye out. And the Amethyst goes to Maire, mainly because she's already in training, and partly because I'm looking forward to seeing certain columnists approaching the bar borne on "love's light wings".
PS: My wife tells me I still look good naked. When I lie down. Bathed in candlelight. After a quart of gin. With Marvin Gaye playing. (Take that last proviso as you will.)
November 30th, 2009 @22:39 #
I keep falling off the naughty step. As a result of immoderate laughter, not immoderate amounts of wine. Fifi, you are a wicked woman -- I am now getting *baby oil* flashes *baby oil*. Richard, at least you have a wife who thinks you look good naked in certain circumstances. My kitties just sneer.
Sliding off step in heap at the thought of Mr Trovato's hat...
December 1st, 2009 @07:31 #
If the Book Olympiad is held naked, I shudder to ponder what we'll be up to at the next Ban'quet.
Jeremy Gordin, if you wont come to tea, at least come and sport with us; it would be good to see you jiggling a javelin.
December 1st, 2009 @08:47 #
*snorts morning tea all over keyboard*